I came into ministry with a deeply pastoral heart. I felt called—to priesthood, yes—but also to the people and communities I now serve. It was, and is, a calling to walk alongside others in joy and sorrow, in the ordinary and the extraordinary, to witness the love of Christ in everyday life. I long to reveal that love and light in the way I live, serve, and speak. I carry this calling, every day.
But as part of this role, I also carry responsibilities I didn’t anticipate when I first stepped onto this path—one of which is the care of our churchyards.
It’s not why I became a priest—but it is part of what I am now called to hold with faith and integrity. Churchyards are sacred spaces. They are places of memory and rest, shared by the whole community and entrusted to the Church of England for their care. They’re tended, often lovingly, by volunteers who give of their time and energy, and they are governed by regulations designed to preserve a sense of reverence, peace, and dignity for all.
That’s why the Church of England has regulations which guide how we care for them—rules that are often more restrictive than in council-run cemeteries. They are there to preserve simplicity, dignity, and the shared, sacred nature of the space. But the reality of those rules can feel hard—especially when they touch something as personal and tender as grief.
People often want to remember their loved ones in ways that are meaningful to them—through solar lights that shine through the night, through planting flowers or creating little garden spaces, or by leaving objects that speak of someone’s personality or passions. These are acts of love. I see that, and I honour it.
But part of my role as a priest – shared with our churchwardens and PCCs—is to uphold those regulations. And that sometimes means making difficult decisions. It means having conversations that weigh heavily on my heart: asking for items to be removed, or saying that something that has been placed cannot stay. It’s not because I don’t care—but because I do.
I carry the tension between my longing to walk pastorally with people in their grief, and the responsibility I hold to care for this space as a whole. And I carry that tension prayerfully, hoping always to act with compassion, even when what I must say may be difficult to hear.
Sometimes, one person’s way of remembering can unintentionally affect another’s ability to do the same. That’s not something anyone intends—but it is something we have to hold together, gently and honestly, as a shared community. This is one of the complexities that we carry when we choose to bury someone in a churchyard rather than a public cemetery. And it is part of the sacred responsibility we hold in maintaining that space with thought and care.
So, I offer this reflection simply to explain how we care for our churchyards, and to share a little of the unseen weight of this ministry. To say that if you’ve placed something on a grave that may not comply with the regulations, I understand the love behind it. And to ask, gently, that you consider whether it’s something you might be willing to change—so that we can continue to care for this ground with grace, together.
These tensions are part of the ministry I carry—and as I continue to walk with our community, I do so with a heart that hopes, even in the most practical parts of this role, to reflect something of Christ’s gentleness and grace.
God bless
Rev. Kris
If you would like to read more about the Churchyard regulations they can be found at the following website: https://www.peterboroughdiocesanregistry.co.uk/memorials.pdf
